The Big Let Down

I am not sure what I want to say in tonight's blog but I know I just have to get it out somehow. Having setbacks in life, are usually set ups but that doesn't mean they aren't hard to go through. It can be frustrating when you put your trust in someone when you rely on what they say and then they let you down. So much is wrapped in those feelings that come from that drop of emotion, from high to low. Sometimes it can feel like you can't even breathe, other times it feels like someone has kicked you right in the gut, and the worse sometimes you feel as though it was your fault, again (which of course is not true).

Most of my life I have realized I have had trust issues. These days I recognize it pretty quickly but I am still navigating how to heal from trust issues in a healthy way. That isn't always easy, at least not for me. I use to pride myself in knowing who I was, what I thought I was suppose to do with my life and how I wanted others to see me. Boy, through the years did I discover I sure was wrong in every single one of those areas. As I aged, as I became wiser and as I became smarter, I realized there were some thingsI really still needed to work on. God has helped me step by step, ever way, to figure out the path he has laid out and every time I fall astray he pulls me back and I dig my feet in deeper, I dig my feet into what He has for me.

We are all human, we all are flesh, we all make mistakes and we all stumble and fall. Tonight I am reminded of all these things, from the people who have hurt me this week to the things I learned when I had a moment of weakness that showed in my moment of anger. These are things Holy Spirit will continue to work out and refine within me. Not perfect, just progress.

I am starting to realize that this blog is what I am suppose to be doing at the moment, it is leading to something more, something bigger, I can feel it but I also know I need to start stepping out and taking the risk of not caring what others think and follow God's lead in my life and let him direct my ship, Trust him! God has told me tonight, it is time. Trust me! Trust me! Trust me! It is time!

That is what I was always searching for when I looked for trust in others, I was looking for trust only Jesus can give and tonight was an accumulation of what it looks like for me, when I don't trust Him! This has nothing to do with flesh, this has everything to do with my Faith! Life can be hard and sometimes we can make it harder. I know in my heart that things will work out because God is on my side but for a moment, crying as I sat taking off my makeup tonight, being angry that another human being let me down and lashing out because I frustrated with the people around me, makes me human. After all, isn't that one of the greatest things we can be?

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